One of the most common concerns men have when it comes to sex is how to last longer. So if this is on your mind, too, know you’re not alone. Premature ejaculation — that is, an inability to hold off orgasm until you and your partner are both ready for you to come, is a common issue. In fact, most men experience it at various point in their lives.
Society places a lot of pressure on men to “perform.” This means men need to have rock-hard erections that appear instantaneously and last a long time— long enough to not only please your partner but rock her world all night. That can be a lot to ask.
Don’t be ashamed
The first thing to understand is that most men want to last longer in bed and there’s nothing to be ashamed of it you find it difficult. Penises just register pleasure differently than vulvas do, and they respond differently to touch. Arousal and erections often go together for men. So when your penis is hard, you feel ready and eager to go. Women, meanwhile, need more time for their genitals to get “online.” Even if she’s excited, it may take ten to twenty minutes for her body to catch up with her desire.
Here are some things to try so you can last longer to make sure everyone is satisfied:
One of the best ways to learn how to last longer and control your orgasm is through a technique called “edging.” Edging is when you take yourself up to the “point of no return” before orgasm, then stop the sensation and pull the energy back down. And then work yourself up again, and stop before orgasm. Repeat until you can’t stand it anymore, or until you feel like you’ve done a good number of “reps.” Make no mistake— this can be difficult. It can be emotionally and physically frustrating to stop just before coming. But the results can be incredible. You can learn what kind of sensation is too much, and how close you can get before you lose control.
Develop Your PC Muscles
Your pelvic floor muscles are responsible for cutting off the orgasmic response. The more strength you have in these muscles, the better. To practice: next time you’re peeing, try to cut off the flow of urine. Then, sloooowly release the flow. Repeat this a few times until your bladder is empty. It’s common for these muscles to feel fatigued after this exercise. Like any muscle tone development, avoid overdoing it. But the more adept you become at clenching these muscles at will, the easier it will become to delay your orgasm.
Wrap it Up to Last Longer
Even if you and your partner are fluid-bonded (that is, you don’t use barriers like condoms and gloves during sex with each other), consider using a condom during sex to reduce the sensation on your penis.
Though women take longer to get ready for penetration, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing else you can do. Satisfying your partner with your fingers and/or oral sex is a wonderful way to make sure she’s satisfied even before penetration. Study up on cunnilingus techniques so that you can confidently assist your partner to orgasm without having to penetrate at all. Our coaches have some excellent cunnilingus techniques and can help you learn how to last longer in bed too. It’ll expand sexual satisfaction and can help you develop confidence as a lover.
Mix it Up
There’s no reason why, once you’ve penetrated your partner, you have to stay inside. It can be fun to tease your woman by thrusting a few times, then withdrawing and using your hands or mouth to keep it going. Teasing her this way can keep you in control of your orgasm and hers. Throw in some dirty talk about how bad she wants it and have her beg for more. Using fingers, dirty talk, and different routines can make your partner horny fast.
Bring in Backup
There’s a reason why the sex toy business is booming, and it’s not because more people are single. Sex toys can be wonderful assets to any sexual experience. If your woman wants to get pounded, but you worry you won’t be able to last long enough to scratch her itch, keep a dildo at hand. You can bang her with your penis, then withdraw and use the dildo. By swapping dildos and your own member you can last more than twice as long and keep your woman moaning the whole while.
It’s common for men to have a hard time lasting a while in bed every so often. But if it’s a chronic problem for you— that is, if you notice you ejaculate too soon every time, you may qualify for an official diagnosis.
For premature ejaculation to qualify as a proper diagnosis, and something a doctor will treat you for, it needs to meet three criteria:
1) Always or nearly always ejaculate before penetration, or within one minute after penetration
2) Unable to control the ejaculation nearly every time. That is, every time a man comes, it’s before he wants to.
3) The experience causes emotional distress, such that the man may avoid sex altogether, or experience relationship turmoil stemming directly from this issue.
If you experience these three situations, it’s probably a good idea to talk to your doctor. Often the cause of chronic premature ejaculation is a mix of emotional and physical issues, some of which can be simply treated. Treatments can include medications that dull orgasmic response, creams that desensitize the nerves of the penis, or talk to a coach to work through potential emotional issues at the root of the problem.
Expand Your Ideas
Regardless of whether your desire to last longer in bed is an “always” or “sometimes” thing, you and your partner can benefit from you expanding your ideas of what constitutes sexual pleasure, how you define success, and your willingness to try creative solutions. Explore new ways to touch your partner, exploring her vulva and clitoris, and be open to bringing toys like vibrators and dildos into the bedroom to act as “pinch hitters” when you need a break.
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