A blowjob is a slang term for using one’s mouth to give pleasure to a penis, also known as oral sex. Many people enjoy blowjobs, both as a receiver and as a giver. People enjoy blowjobs for a range of reasons, including sexual pleasure, intimacy between partners, and learning about bodies and pleasure.
Blowjobs can be as different as the penis-owner who receives it. The first thing to do is get to know your partner and how they like their penis to be touched.
Here are some questions to ask:
🍆Do you prefer shaft stimulation or head stimulation?
🍆Do you prefer friction or a lot of lubrication?
🍆Do you like to have your balls touched?
It’s possible your partner may not know the answers to some of these questions, or they may not have a strong opinion. Use the information they give you to guide you, but sometimes experimentation and exploration are the best way to learn about your partner’s body and pleasure.
Begin by placing yourself in a comfortable position with full access to your partner’s penis and scrotum. Some people prefer standing up when receiving a blowjob, while others prefer to sit or lay down. All that matters is that everyone is comfortable.
Acquaint yourself with your partner’s anatomy. Note the different parts of the penis, including the head (the top of the penis), the urethral opening (where urine, semen, and precum exit the body), the shaft, the presence or absence of foreskin, the scrotum, and the testicles. The most sensitive parts of the penis are usually the urethral opening, the underside of the head where it meets the shaft (a small area known as the frenulum), and the testicles. For some, gentle stimulation on the most sensitive parts can feel good, but for plenty of other folks, it can be too much. Until you’re sure, focus on the shaft, the skin of the scrotum, and the flesh on the head.
Begin by kissing and licking the whole penis. It’s possible your partner’s penis may not be fully erect when you begin, and will slowly grow larger and harder as you perform oral sex. Listen carefully to the sounds your partner makes. Sounds like moans and groans are usually a good sign, though silence may also indicate they’re focusing on the pleasure. Your partner thrusting their hips is also usually a good sign.
Contrary to the name, “blowing” is rarely part of a blowjob. Rather, creating suction with your mouth and using your tongue to create sensation on the penis are the primary forms of creating pleasure for your partner.
During the blowjob you may notice a small amount of fluid emerging from the urethral opening. This is called “precum” and it’s a lubricant that is often part of sexual arousal. It often tastes salty and is mostly clear.
There are two main angles of approach including: top down, where you wrap your lips around the head of the penis and work your way down, like sucking on a popsicle; and the “harmonica method” where you lick and suck on the shaft sideways as if you are playing a harmonica. Experiment with different methods and don’t be afraid to mix it up.
A great blowjob requires listening carefully to your partner and paying attention to their non-verbal cues, like breath, sound, and body movements.
Beyond technique, one of the best ways to improve your blowjob technique is through enthusiasm. Most blowjob recipients want to know that their partner is enjoying giving them oral sex. Making sounds, eye contact, and being confident when handling the penis all make for a great blowjob. Dirty talk about how much you want to give them a blowjob and small words of encouragement (ex. “Your cock feels so good in my throat") are a great idea.
A blowjob receiver may reach orgasm after a sufficient amount of pleasurable touch to the penis. Everyone is different — some may reach orgasm quite quickly, while others may not orgasm from a blowjob at all.
The big takeaway is that a blowjob can be pleasurable and satisfying with our without an orgasm. Your partner doesn’t have to come to have enjoyed the experience. Some blowjob receivers like to orgasm at the end of a blowjob, while others may want to orgasm in a different way, as through hand job, self-stimulation, or penetrative sex. It’s a good idea to ask how they want to come, or if they want to come at all.
When a person with a penis has an orgasm, it’s almost always accompanied by the ejaculation of semen. Some people enjoy the feel and taste of semen, while others don’t. You are not obligated to swallow their semen if you don’t want to.
After orgasm, most penises are highly sensitive. It’s a good idea to stop manipulating the penis right after your partner ejaculates. Some people will want to keep going, but it’s a good rule of thumb to allow them to tell you if they want more. Simply hold still and allow your partner to breathe and “come down” from the experience. Some people will enjoy kissing and cuddling, but others may prefer something else. After care is a great time to check in and see how you’re both feeling. You can decide if either of you want more.
Some folks will want to clean up right away, while others may want to just relax. It’s a good idea to have some water on hand to rinse your mouth and/or rehydrate after. Dry washcloths can easily clean up ejaculate.
While there are exceptions to every rule, here are some general guidelines to consider when giving a blowjob.
✅DO use plenty of lubrication. This can be in the form of bottled lube (some blowjob performers enjoy using flavored lube to add to the experience), or just plenty of spit.
❌DON’T be afraid to lick and suck on the scrotum. Many blowjob recipients love a little extra attention paid to their balls.
✅DO be delicate in how you touch the testicles/scrotum. While many people love the feeling of licking, touching, and gently squeezing the scrotum, the testicles are delicate and sensitive. Avoid tugging on the tubes inside or knocking the testicles against each other.
❌DON’T be afraid to ask questions, like “Do you like this?” or “Is there a way/place you like me to lick you differently?”
✅DO demonstrate your own enjoyment by making noises and occasional eye contact. Many recipients like to know that their partner is enjoying themselves, too.
❌DON’T be afraid to use your hands. In fact hands can make a good blowjob great. You can use your hands to stabilize the penis or jerk the penis while your mouth focuses on the head and top part of the shaft.
Gagging can be an unpleasant side effect of blowjobs. If you’re worried about gagging during a blowjob, use your hand to limit how far the penis goes into your throat. There’s plenty of pleasure you can generate with your hands and tongue on the top portion of the penis.
Also, consider the curve of your partner’s penis. Adjust your position such that the penis curves down into your mouth instead of up towards your uvula.
Some people actually like to trigger their gag reflex during a blowjob because it can stimulate the production of a particularly thick and viscous saliva that works well as lube.
Some sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be shared via blowjobs. These include herpes, gonorrhea, and some other infections. Ask your partner if they’ve been tested for STIs or have any symptoms. If you’re particularly concerned about contracting something from your partner, use a condom.
Some people do have an allergic reaction when touching or swallowing semen. Most people who have a reaction will get small hives or an itchy rash where the semen touched their skin. For most people, this will only happen a couple of times when they first start performing hand or blowjobs, or only with specific partners. However, some people may be chronically allergic. If you suspect this may be true for you, ask your doctor for an allergy test.
Deep-throating is when the blowjob performer takes the entirety of the penis into the mouth and throat, pressing their mouth near the receiver’s body. While some people enjoy deep-throating because of it’s “extreme” or performative nature, it isn’t required for a pleasurable blowjob. A person’s ability to deep throat is made up of a combination of factors including penis size, throat size, and gag reflex sensitivity.
Absolutely not! Though some people enjoy swallowing their partner’s ejaculate, it’s never required. As the blowjob performer, you are entitled to an opinion on where your partner will come. Some people enjoy having their partner come on a different part of their body, like their face or chest, while others will direct the ejaculate back onto the recipient’s body. When in doubt, ask before it becomes inevitable.
Nope! Pregnancy happens when semen gets close to an egg in the uterus. If their penis or ejaculate isn’t going inside your vagina, it won’t get you pregnant. That said, if you do plan on having penis-in-vagina sex after a blowjob, be sure to use a condom and/or wipe down the penis throughly before.
It’s common to be nervous when trying something new. If you’ve never given a blowjob before, it can be intimidating to contemplate. The best way to overcome the fear is by finding a partner who you are excited to please, and who cares about your pleasure and comfort. When you feel safe to explore and try new things, blowjobs (and most all sexual activities!) become more fun for everyone. Before you give your first blowjob, it may be a good idea to read more and watch some inclusive porn to demystify the activity.
Everyone likes different things, and it’s perfectly possible your partner may not just be a fan of blowjobs. That said, you can open up the conversation in a way that doesn’t make anyone “wrong” by asking if there are specific oral sexual techniques they do enjoy and how you might explore them together.